Every now and then, we like to turn our giant heads towards a single state in the Union to see what whackjob laws they still have on the books. Today, we’re turning our balloon sized melons (we mean our heads, sicko) towards that bastion of sunshine, plastic boobies and skies that have more smoke in them than one of your old man’s overdone barbecues. We’re talking about California.

CBS13 was kind of enough to do all the research for us and reported on 58 really dumb laws. Here’s our favorites:

Law No. 11 - Detonating a nuclear device anywhere in the city of Chino is punishable by a $500 fine. That’s unenforceable. Has anyone seen Chino lately? How would anyone know if someone set off a nuclear device there?

Law No. 22 - The city of Los Angels has a ban on licking, making Los Angeles toads the most depressed toads in the country.

Law No. 39 - The entire state has a law against fondling or pinching produce in public places. Well, how else can we show that cute clerk at the grocery store that we’d like to go out on a date with her?

Thanks to CBS13 for including us in the story and naming us their new favorite site. That check is in the mail.